Shots

As you might guess, when you travel to Africa, there is a long list of health precautions you have to take in order to minimize your risk of contracting some crazy disease. After a week or so of hunting down shot records, online travel health research, fighting with our HR Department about preventative health coverage, and a number of phone calls to find the one and only in-network doctor (an allergist) who is authorized to give the Yellow Fever vaccine, my appointment was set. I thought this would be a pretty simple, in-and-out, kind of appointment, but nothing ever seems to be that simple for me.

While filling out paperwork, I couldn't help but notice everyone else in the waiting room was 100 years old which I found odd.

After a few minutes in the waiting room, the nurse took me back to an exam room but before I could even sit down, the doctor popped his head in and said, "The receptionist said we owe you a bag of chips" and then left the room. About 2 minutes later (before the nurse even had a chance to take my vitals) the doctor came back into the room, handed me a bag of chips and told me he hadn't stopped laughing about some funny thing I said when I called to make the appointment and that the receptionist thought I was so entertaining she wanted to give me a snack when I came in for my appointment. Then he asked me to remind him what country I was traveling to and left the room. I have no idea what I said to the receptionist; although I do remember being a little overly excited that I found someone who could give me the vaccines I needed.

The doctor came back a little later with paperwork in hand ready to talk about the vaccine options along with his recommendations. I told him that after my research I had decided against the Rabies vaccine. He was surprised by my attention to research. I was surprised he thought I would walk into a doctor's office without any understanding of the possible treatments.

We debated on the flu shot, but in the end I just flat out refused to get it. I didn't feel like I needed to explain that I had never received a flu shot in my life because my Dad has a theory that the flu shot is some government/medical conspiracy to kill off the elderly and weak - like the host of 100 year old patients he had sitting in the waiting room.

Final decision: I needed 5 shots and 3 prescription drugs

The doctor said there was no pressure to get all of the shots on the same day and that I could come back and get the vaccines over several appointments. I didn't really understand though. He didn't have a compelling medical reason against knocking it out all at once other than, "it may be painful." I opted to get them all that day - 3 in one arm and 2 in the other.

After the final decision was made, I was left alone in the exam room for 45 minutes. When you tell someone they are about to become a human pin cushion, it is just plain mean to leave them to think about it for 45 minutes. Praise God for iPhones and Parks and Recreation on streaming Netflix.

The nurse finally came in with my cocktail of vaccines and the fun began. Typically, as long as I do not see the needles I am ok so I told the nurse I needed to look the other way and focus on something else. After the very first shot she said, "Oh gosh you are bleeding!" Now why on earth did she feel the need to say that? Just take care of it and move on. Shot number two was ok. Then half way through shot number three I felt myself lose control of my arm. Before I could even say anything the nurse said, "It feels so weird when your muscle goes into spasms with the needle still inside of it." To which I responded, "Yeah, it doesn't feel too great on this end either." When we switched to my right arm, that one went into spasms too. I told you, nothing can ever be easy for me.

Finally, after all five shots were complete the nurse decided to tell me I had to stay so they could keep me under observation - something about cardiac arrest.

I hung out in the waiting room with the geriatrics until they cleared me. I had left work at 12:30 and did not get back to the office until 3:00. It was so ridiculous.

The next day I realized why the doctor tried to talk me out of doing all of the shots in the same day. I was in constant pain. Just sitting at my desk and typing was painful, but after a day of pain, I started to feel like my old self again.

Today is post-shots day 2 and both of my arms look like disasters. I'm wondering if they lined my Band-Aids with acid. I thought it might go unnoticed, but after being at work for 5 minutes this morning I was asked if I had ring worm.