My Unwanted House Guests

Never did I think I would rage war on an animal that is no more than two inches long...but it's on like Donkey Kong around here. We have a serious moth issue. The issue is that I hate them and they seem to be everywhere. It has to do with migration patters or something. Frankly, I don't really care. I just want them gone. I kid you not, in the mornings when I am sitting in traffic, the birds are swarming at intersections swooping around everywhere trying to catch a moth for breakfast. It's disgusting.

Do you know what's even more disgusting? Finding them throughout your house! For a while I managed to stay pretty calm about it. I would just ignore them and let them spend the night rent free until they were ready to migrate to wherever they needed to spend the summer or I would catch them and then kindly put them outside to fly around with their friends. However, after a few weeks of being nice, I hit my breaking point. I guess I was just tired of hearing the buzzing every night as I lay in bed knowing they were flying around and sleeping on the ceiling right above me.

After keeping almost every light off both inside and outside for a few days and still having just as many moths in our house, my roommate and I decided to turn to Google in hopes of finding a solution to our moth issue.

One website suggested bowls of Clorox, another suggested kerosene, another informed us this particular type of moth is immune to bug zappers because of the layer of dust on their wings. The website suggested stronger zappers with higher electrical currents.

Wonderful. So now we can douse our house with kerosene, sit in the dark, and try to hit the moths with a taser while hoping we don't catch the whole house on fire. That sounds like a promising solution.

I started to take it personally when I found one of our unwanted house guests under my pillow. That was one step too far and in a fit or rage I was determined to go to bed with every single one of those moths in my house dead.

I developed a system. I turned all the lights out in my bedroom but kept my bathroom light on. This tricked them into going into my bathroom where I quickly closed the door and trapped them. Once in a confined space, it was fairly easy to catch them and start killing them one by one. What did I do with the dead bodies? Oh, well, I put them right outside our front door as a warning to their friends.

That night I killed seven moths in my bedroom alone...SEVEN! You moths need to spread the word. You come in my house. You die.