It's Tebow Time...well, sorta

Today is the day the Lord has made...the day I was to meet Tim Tebow. I contemplated for weeks about what to wear and what to say and even stooped to a new level of pathetic and purchased a Sam's Club membership to ensure I would be able to attend.

Finally, it was the day of his book signing.Typically, I don't care about famous people. Seriously. They are just people. But when it comes to an athlete of Tim's caliber I'm just awe stuck by what he can do. Have you seen the jump pass? I just have so many questions...like where does he keep the Heisman trophy and what did he do the night after becoming a National Champion?

I envisioned our conversation going something like this...

Timmy: "Hey, a Gator fan...go Gators!" (because I had already decided to go with the Gator shirt instead of the Broncos jersey)

Me: "Yeah, my first college game ever was at the Swamp and ever since then I was hooked."

Timmy: "So you are from Florida?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm from Ocala."

Timmy: "No way, that's awesome. What are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, I work for a Christian nonprofit that sends missionaries all over the world."

Timmy: "That's awesome, do you know of a good place to eat around here?"

Me: "Yeah, what are you in the mood for?"

Timmy: "I'm not sure, why don't you think of something and then meet us when this is over?"

Ok, so I realize the second half of that conversation would never actually happen, but a girl can dream. I mean famous people marry regular people all the time. Who doesn't want to come home to a Heisman on their mantle every night?

Anyway, much to my dismay, today went nothing like that. The book signing was from 4:00-6:00 so my friend Jessi and I arrived around 3:45. We were informed I was the 600th person in line and that there was a chance he might not get to me, although at the signing in Denver yesterday he made it through 600 so I should be ok. I was told to go inside and purchase the book while Jessi held our place in line. Once I got inside I was told they were totally sold out of books. Wait a minute, this is a book signing (that hasn't started yet) and you don't actually HAVE his book? Am I the only one who sees the problem here? Isn't the point of these things to SELL book? The Sam's club employee/line monitor said I should go up the street to Barnes and Noble, buy a book, and come back. I mean Sam's is known for selling 3 lbs. of mayonnaise for $10, not planning book signings for professional athletes. Why did I expect Sam's to be able to pull this off with any amount of professionalism or ease?

As I was leaving I saw Timmy and the gang (more about them later) pull up so I knew he didn't start signing books until well after 4:00. I had plenty of time. Unfortunately every Barnes and Noble was sold out in the entire state of Colorado. After three more sold out stores, I stopped by the Family Christian Bookstore. They were selling their last copy to a lady in line which led a disgruntle Bronocs fan to start yelling, "Well shit! Dammit! Now what do I do?" When people are yelling curse words in a Christian bookstore on a Sunday afternoon, you start to think the situation may be getting out of hand.

Feeling like a failure, I went back to Sam's Club and to my friend and place holder in line, Jessi. I informed her (and apparently about 20 other people) there were a few rules we were not previously aware of....1) Timmy would only sign books and no other memorabilia. 2) Timmy would not take any personal pictures. 3) You were only allowed 2 books per person and that didn't matter much because the whole city was sold out of them anyway. At some point I had become the informant for the back of the line crowd.

The next thing I knew this lady from five spots in line ahead of us was walking toward me and getting way too close to the inside of my personal bubble. She was whispering, "I heard you talking and I feel really bad you don't have a book. I really want you to get one so I'm not telling anyone this but you. There is a Christian bookstore a few miles south that has the book. You can call and they will hold it for you, but they close in 30 minutes so you need to leave now." I looked at Jessi wondering if this was really happening. I felt like I was making some kind of drug deal right there in the Sam's Club parking lot, but before I knew it I was back in the car driving across town. Everything was just as the lady said and when I got there my book was waiting for me on the counter.

I had the book, which was its own miracle and I was flying back to the signing. Jessi called to say she was getting closer to the front and to hurry, but then a few minutes later Jessi called again with some devastating news. The Sam's Club employees sent everyone away. They said Tim only had one hour left and if we weren't already inside then we needed to leave. I did not get to see this for myself, but apparently this caused mass hysteria. People were screaming and cursing, a three ring circus. People even went inside and returned their books. There is a good chance this book signing caused more PR damage then good. Where is Pam Tebow when you need her? Surely she would have put a stop to this.

When I got back to the store we decided to go inside and at least see Timmy, even though we had to stay behind tape and barricades. When I saw the actual signing I was gravely disappointed. Basically the people permitted to stay in line handed their book to a someone, who handed their book to someone else, who whispered the fan's name to Tim, who then signed the book (usually without Tim even looking up) and then Tim handed the book to someone, who handed the book to someone else, who handed it back to the fan. It could not have been more impersonal. I was shocked! What happened to Timmy Touchdown, a man of the people?

One thing I am totally enthralled with is the Tebow family dynamics. I mean five siblings, missionary kids, homeschoolers, now their baby brother is famous and one of the brothers manages his PR. Come on, this is a reality show waiting to happen, but until MTV picks it up, we are left with merely speculation.

Sure enough Robby Tebow was standing right there behind his little brother and alongside his business parter and friend Angel Gonzalez. Because I wanted to keep the shred of dignity I had left after enduring the three ring circus that was Tim Tebow's book signing, I decided not to announce their relation to Tim. Well, leave it to some crazed teeny popper to do a quick Google search (or a look through the pictures in the book) and figure out who these guys were. A few minutes later I heard this shrill, "Oh my gosh, it's Robby!" Then from behind I hear, "He is old and not as cute, but oh well. It's Tim's brother." By the way, I think Robby is 29...which I guess is ancient to a 15 year old. The next thing I know girls are screaming for Robby and he is taking pictures and doing his own personal book signing on the side.

Then on my right I see the same thing happening with Angel. A pack of shameless girls are flirting with him and he is taking books back to Tim for him to sign.

Please note the crazy girl's face.

I have standards people. I will not flirt my way to an autograph and I will not become a member of the Robby Tebow fan club because I can't get to Tim.

The line ended about 20 minutes before 6:00, obviously because they sent half the city home. I really thought Timmy would take the extra time to shake some hands, kiss some babies, and take some pictures with the 30 or so people standing around, but no such luck. He just stood up, chugged some water, gave a quick wave, and then left out the back door. Seriously? Who is this guy and what has he done with the sweet male version of Mother Teresa that I see on TV?

When we walked outside Timmy's getaway car was pulled right up to the door. Peter Tebow came out to unlock it, and start the AC. I told Jessi that was his other brother Peter and then some guy close to us decided to take credit for my Tebow family knowledge and announce it to the crowd. It wasn't all of 3 seconds before people were getting their new FB profile pic with Peter and he was hosting a book signing of his own.

I can honestly say I am embarrassed that I was a part of that whole scene. Tim, I am actually relieved I did not meet you under those circumstances. Please know I was NOT with those crazy girls that were standing near me.

Today was such a letdown. Do I dare say that I am little less of a fan then I was this morning. No signed book and this was the only picture of me and Timmy and it isn't near good enough to put in my office.

Look way over my left shoulder to the guy in the white shirt, that's #15!

Even though I may not have been impressed with Tim Tebow the author, the good news is, fall is coming so there will be plenty of chances for Timmy to redeem himself on the field.