The Script

Back in March while Elway was busy "helping Tim in the offseason" which one would think means offering advice and helping with plays and throwing motions, but in reality means pursuing Peytonosaurus, Timmy Touchdown was sending invites to his celebrity golf tournament in order to raise money for his foundation.

I know this because he extended one of these special guest invites to Bailey Knaub. Remember my grand surprise back in January thanks to the Knaub family?

Needless to say, Bailey was a little nervous for the one-on-one time with Tim. Plus, there is the fact that this golf tournament has more true celebrity participants than Dancing with the Star and Celebrity Apprentice combined.

I saw this as not only my opportunity to help Bailey, but to get answers to a few of my top 10 questions. My contribution to the event, was a script for Bailey, which my friend Natalie happily passed along to the rest of the Knaub family.

The Script

A Day in the Life of Bailey and Tim

A ‘how to’ Guide to Get the Answers to the Questions We All Have

Scene 1 – Bailey sees Tim for the first time in several months

Tim: (with smile that could melt hearts and the enthusiasms of a kid who has had way too much candy) Hey Bailey! How are you?

Bailey: Great! Thanks so much for having me! (with cunning smile and a hint of sarcasm) So, are you excited to be a Jet?

Scene 2 – the pet conversation

Bailey: So Tim, do you have any pets?

Tim: Yeah, I have a dog.

Bailey: I love dogs. (this can also be substituted for ‘I am more of a cat person’ if applicable) What is your dog’s name?

Tim: His name is Bronco.

Bailey: That is kind of awkward. Are you going to rename him Jet?

Scene 3 – I heart New York

Bailey: I’m really sad you won’t be playing in Denver this year!

Tim: (no idea what he will say here but it will no doubt be something positive and include the phrase ‘excited to be a Jet’ at least twice)

Bailey: So have you already moved to New York? What are you going to do about your house in Denver?

Scene 4 – The Heisman note: VERY IMPORTANT!

Bailey: So, can I ask you a question about football?

Tim: Sure Bailey, you can ask whatever you want. (inevitably said with a smile and a laugh)

Bailey: I know that you won the Heisman while you were at Florida and I was just curious where you keep a trophy like that. I heard it’s really big and heavy.

Tim: (I have no earthly idea what he will say but you need to remember every single word)

Bailey: So when you were in college did you keep it in your dorm room, or what?

Tim: (again, no idea what he will say but you need to remember every word and report back)

Bailey: Is it true that if you win a Heisman than you get to vote on the Heisman winner every year?

Tim: Yes, that is true. (The answer to this question is ‘yes’ but sometimes you have to ask questions you already know the answer to in order to provide a segue into other questions)

Bailey: So how does that work? Do they send you a scantron every year or something? Do you call in your vote?

Tim: (no idea what the answer will be)

Scene 5 – A day in the life

Bailey: So what does an average day look like for you when you are in the off-season?

Tim: (answers questions)

Bailey: So how is it different while you are in season?

Scene 6 – we are family

Bailey: How many kids are in your family?

Tim: There are 5 of us – I have two sisters and two brothers

Bailey: Did you like growing up in a big family?

Tim: Yes, I loved it. There was always something to do.

Bailey: Do you think you will want a big family some day?

Tim: (no clue what the answer will be, but I would guess that he does not want 5 kids)

*Side note: you and Tim are both the youngest in your families and both have siblings that are much older. If you run out of things to say, you can always default to talking about what it’s like to be the youngest. That should take up some time.

Scene 7 – the Wonderlic

Bailey: What did you shoot on that last hole?

Tim: (doesn’t really matter what he says)

Bailey: So is that number higher or lower than your Wonderlic Test score?

Tim: (I pray that he says ‘lower’ or either a)his golf game needs serious help or b)he is much dumber than we thought)

Bailey: Did you think it was a hard test?

Tim: (gosh I hope he says ‘no’)

Bailey: Did you hear about the guy who made a 4? (with a smile) Typical LSU.

Tim: (He will give a courtesy laugh because he doesn’t want to talk bad about another university, but in his head he will be rolling with laugher and LOVE you for it!)

Additional Questions in Case of Awkward Silences

• Besides football, what is your favorite sport? (I believe the answer will be baseball)
• What is your favorite movie of all time?
• Now that you’ve made a name for yourself in the NFL, what is your next big goal?
• What is your absolute favorite thing to eat?
• Is it hard to live so far away from your family?
• What did you do for Easter?
• Are you still close to your coaches and teammates from the University of Florida?
• Tell me about the process of writing your book.